


Hold You Closer

by transteverogers



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Bullying, High School AU, Liam!Centric, M/M, Panic Attacks, Self-Harm, bullied!liam, sad!liam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-30
Updated: 2014-07-30
Packaged: 2018-02-11 00:46:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2046642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transteverogers/pseuds/transteverogers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liam's world was falling apart before Zayn came back into it and helped him pick up the pieces.</p><p>(AKA the one where Liam's being bullied, Zayn does his best to be a friend but they end up a little more anyways)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hold You Closer

**Author's Note:**

> Lyrics and title taken from Through the Dark by One Direction. Dedicated to the lovely and wonderful [ellie](http://zayn-loves-leeyum.tumblr.com) because she came up with the ending and without her this would not be done:) Check the end for triggers and find me on tumblr at [squishyliampayne](http://squishyliampayne.tumblr.com/)
> 
> EDIT: Hi there, a v lovely person has made a translation of this text into Russian right over [here](http://ficbook.net/readfic/2407104)

_I wish that I could take you to the start_

_I’d never let you fall and break your heart_

_And if you wanna cry or fall apart_

_I’ll be there to hold you_

 

________________________________________________

 

 

“So Liam,” Liam’s sister Ruth asks him on his sweet sixteen, a half hour before all the guests were supposed to be arriving. “Who’d you invite to the party?”

 

Liam shrugs as he hangs up another streamer. “I sent a message to a bunch of kids in my grade over facebook ages ago.” He always found it weird that you could send messages to people who weren’t your friend but it was useful for this purpose he guessed.

 

Ruth looks at him with an unreadable expression, before nodding and stepping back to look at their handwork with the streamers. “Looks good baby bro.” She says with a grin and ruffles his hair.

 

Liam laughs, and tries to duck and fix it by pushing it off to the side. The one helpful thing about this hair cut was that it always seemed to fall back into place perfectly, no matter how badly his sisters tried to mess with it. “I’m gonna go sit in the big room while I wait.” He says before going to sit in the room. It had a large window out to the front of the house so that Liam could see as people arrive at his party.

 

… Or _don’t_ arrive.

 

Half an hour after it was supposed to start and still having no one arrive, Liam catches Ruth looking into the room and at him with sad eyes. Liam bits his lip, using all of his willpower to break down then. “I’m gonna- I’m gonna go upstairs.” He says, voice cracking as tears wield up in his eyes and he runs up into his room, collapsing on his bed as soon as he gets there.

 

He should’ve known that no one would come. He was the laughing stock of the entire school, why would anyone show up to his party? Liam turns his head so it’s not stuffed into his pillow, looking over at his clock. 7:36PM. His eyes move to the left of it, looking at one of his favourite photos. It was taken a couple summers back of him and his best friend Zayn. The two had met in year 1 and were inseparable until year 5 when Zayn had moved a couple hours away.

 

Liam bites his lip, turning away from his desk to go and stare at his wall, letting more tears slip down his face as he cried silently. He thought about the reasons why people hadn’t come and the list was rather long. No one liked him at his school. He let out a bitter laugh at the thought, salty tears falling into his mouth. He doesn’t bother wiping at his face, just letting it all fall out as he thought about all his flaws.

 

His too wide shoulders, his messed up kidney, his weird smile, the fact that you couldn’t see his eyes when he did smile, his-

 

“Liam sweetie?” His mother asks in a soft voice, knocking on the door lightly as she pushes it open.

 

“Just go away mum.” Liam says back, not turning to face her. He doesn’t want her to see the tears that are still running down his cheeks.

 

“I just came to tell you someone arrived.” She says in the same soft tone.

 

Liam wipes at his face, trying to cover up the tears before turning around. “Who?”

 

She smiles at him, coming over to sit on the edge of his bed. “If you go downstairs you’ll find out.”

 

Liam nods, sitting up. He allows his mum to wipe at his fact a bit, her eyes filled with pity and love before she hugs him tightly. “We love you so much Liam sweetheart and you’re so special to us.” She whispers in his ear.

 

Liam doesn’t say anything but he nods. “I know mum.” He lies, biting his lip roughly as he pulls back. “M’gonna go downstairs.”

 

She nods, eyes filled with unshed tears as Liam quickly kisses her cheek before heading out of his room and walking slowly down the steps and into the family room where all the streamers are step up and-

 

“Zayn?” Liam asks, completely surprised to see his best (and apparently only) friend standing in the middle of the empty room awkwardly.

 

“Liam.” He says, face lighting up in a grin. “Like the decorations.”

 

Liam blushes and ducks his head. “Thanks… What are you doing here?”

 

“Came for your party.” Zayn says, still grinning at him. “Your sister sent me a message about it… I guess I’m early?” He laughs.

 

Liam shake his head. “About an-” He checks his watch “-hour late actually. No one came.” He shrugs, trying to pretend to be unaffected by the fact but he can feel more tears wielding up in his eyes and he bites down on his lip again, casting his eyes to the floor.

 

Zayn walks over to him, hugging him tightly and resting his head on his shoulder as he does so. “They’re all assholes Liam.” He mutters softly, letting Liam crying softly and silently in his arms. “They’re all assholes and you deserve so much better.”

 

________________________________________________

 

Next September as Liam walks into the school for year 12, he tries his bets to block all and any comments that may be directed to him.

 

So far, he thinks he’s doing pretty good. It’s not homeroom yet but he’s only been pushed into a locker twice and had ‘loser’ coughed at him once (seriously though? The loser cough? How old are they?). All in all, he counts it as a pretty good start to day, as all things go. He checks the slip of paper that has his locker number on it again before stopping in front of it and using the combination.

 

It works, thankfully enough (the year before they had accidentally given him the wrong locker number and it was a disaster all over).

 

He stuffs his unneeded books into the locker before checking the peice of paper again for his homeroom class. Liam locks his locker before heading down the path to his classroom, keeping his head down and body as small as possible and he, miraculously, makes it to homeroom untouched.

 

Class isn’t due to start for another five minutes, so there’s only a couple of other people in his class. A footie player who never really pays attention to Liam, a jock who’s a year older than them (Liam makes a mental note to sit as far away from him as possible) and-

 

That’s not actually possible.

 

Liam looks at the boy in the back corner, head down with headphones in (head bobbing slightly to the music). His dark hair is down up in a high quiff and he’s got a loose sweater on and Liam really isn’t believing this right now as he takes a sea next to him. He bites his lip before taking a chance and poking the boy in the side and-

 

“Zayn.” Liam says, voice breathy because what the fuck is Zayn doing in his homeroom when he lives 2 hours away.

 

Zayn grins at him, pulling out one of his headphones. “Hey Li.” He says, reaching over to hug him.

 

“What the hell are you doing here?” Liam asks, laughing as he grins at him.

 

“Moved back last week of summer.” Zayn says.

 

Liam hits him on the arm. “And you didn’t tell me?”

 

“Thought I’d let it be a surprise.” Zayn grins cheekily.

 

Liam laughs but doesn’t say anything because the bell’s ringing and the last couple of stragglers are running into the class and the teacher is waiting on everyone to settle down.

 

The class structure doesn’t last long though, because as soon as she hands out their schedules she’s giving them free reign to talk and do whatever they please. Liam and Zayn compare schedules, finding out that they share a couple different classes before one of the kids in Liam’s grade that absolutely hates him comes over with the typical sneer on his face.

 

“New kid.” He says, crossing his arms as he bulges them. “What are you doing talking to him?”

 

Zayn raises an eyebrow, looking him over and Liam bites his lip, waiting for Zayn’s reply. He knows that it’ll be something along the lines that he has no idea and-

 

“He’s my best mate, what’s it to you?” He says defiantly as he crosses his arms.

 

The boy laughs out a shard cold laugh. “C’mon, you’re seriously hanging out with Payne? No one likes him. What’s he offering you? Hand job? Blow job?”

 

Liam looks away, cheeks flushing in shame. “What the fuck man?” Zayn says. “What the hell is your problem?”

 

“Nothing he’s just a fag is all.” Liam bites his lip hard enough that it breaks skin, fingernails digging into his wrist to try and stop the tears from falling. This was it, Zayn was going to realise that he was gay and leave him.

 

“Seriously man? It’s the 21st century. Grow up and learn some new fucking insult you dickbag.” Zayn spits out venomously.

 

The guy looks over Zayn before glaring and leaving to go sit with his friends and Liam turns to Zayn. “Why’d you do that?” He asks, completely confused. Now they were gonna target Zayn too and Zayn was going to hate him and-

 

“What? Stand up for you Liam?” Zayn looks at him in confusion. “You shouldn’t let assholes like him push you around Li.”

 

Liam shrugs, looking at his fingers before rubbing a palm over where he had dug his nails into. “S’easier that way. Ends faster.” He scratches over the stop absentmindedly, like he always does when he’s feeling stressed. “You still shouldn’t hang out with me Z. You should get some cool friends or summthin’.” He mumbles, trying not to look affected or anything.

 

Zayn just looks at him with a small frown. “Liam, you’re my best mate. I don’t care for assholes like that, you know that.”

 

Liam looks over at Zayn, who’s looking at him completely open and honest and he gives him the smallest smile, but Zayn knows how grateful he truly is.

 

________________________________________________

 

Fast forward a year a things have changed for Liam, a lot.

 

Zayn did make friends other than Liam, granted, but he never left Liam. The two of them adopted Louis (the footballer who never paid attention to Liam), Harry (a music geek who was a year lower than them but had skipped a grade part way through the last year) and Niall (a blond Irishman who had moved to their town in the beginning of last year). The bullying for Liam didn’t stop (the jocks still had it in their brain that they needed to destroy him) but it had dropped dramatically. If any of the four other lads were with Liam, no one really touched him though he could still hear the comments from across the halls.

 

Things were better though.

 

“Ready?” Zayn asks, slinging an arm around Liam’s shoulders as they stand in front of the school.

 

Liam snorts. “As I’ll ever be.” He says, looking over at his best friend.

 

Zayn ruffles his hand over Liam’s freshly shaved head, smiling at him. “I have to admit, I miss the curls.”

 

“I won’t miss Louis pulling on them, that’s for sure.” Liam grins at him as Zayn laughs making butterflies fly around in his stomach.

 

“C’mon, Lou texted me to say that they already got our schedules.” Zayn says, checking his phone. “We’re meeting him at his locker.” He mutters, typing out a reply.

 

Liam nods, allowing himself to follow Zayn into the school (since out of the two of them, he was the only one who knew were Louis’s locker was). Zayn talks absentmindedly about something and Liam nods occasionally, signalling that he’s paying attention as they weave in and out of students, some of the purposely hitting Liam. Zayn glares at those ones, and after the first couple of times, he outs his arm back over Liam’s shoulder, bringing them closer. Liam tries his best not to think about how nicely they fit together, how nice it would be if Zayn liked him that way-

 

He forces those thoughts out of his head. He’s lucky that Zayn’s even his friend, he shouldn’t be greedy.

 

They stop in front of Louis’s locker where the other three are already waiting, looking over the five schedules. “Yo.” Zayn says, but none of them look up.

 

“Schedule.” Louis says, handing them both to Zayn. “We all of homeroom together and- what the fuck happened to your hair Liam James Payne?” This causes the other two to look up, eyes widening when they see Liam’s head.

 

Liam laughs slightly, looking down with a small blush. “I uh, shaved it all off.”

 

“Yeah no shit.” Louis says, still look at him with narrowed eyes, inspecting Liam’s body. Liam bites his automatically clasping his hands together to hide his thumb digging into his wrist trying to stop all of the negative thoughts that are running around in his head as he ducks it, trying to conceal his blush. “It looks good.” He finally says, nodding to the other boys who agree with him.

 

“Thanks.” Liam says, trying to hold back how much relief was in his voice as his forces his thumb away from the skin and letting his hands fall to his sides before taking his schedule from Zayn, who’s looking at him with soft eyes as the others talk. His eyes glances down to his hands before back to his face and Liam flushes again, ashamed. Zayn was the only one who knew about his… Habit and Liam hadn’t even told him, he just figured it out. Liam shrugs very slightly and Zayn takes the arm that’s wrapped around him and moves it so he can take Liam’s hand instead, putting a block in front of the temptation. Liam can’t thank him enough.

 

“We’ve got all but 3rd, 5th and last together.” Zayn comments softly, looking over their schedules together. Liam nods, before turning to the other boys.

 

“What’d you guys have 3rd, 5th and last?” He asks pretending to be curious but trying not to depend on them because if they don’t have something it’s going to be like the early years of his-

 

“We have 3rd together Li, and you have 5th with Harry.” Niall says, grinning at him happily.

 

“None of us signed up for that gym class though.” Harry says, talking about his 7th period and looking slightly apologetic.

 

Liam nods, and sends them a smile. “I’ll be fine.” He says, trying to will himself to believe the words.

 

He could do this.

 

________________________________________________

 

His classes run smoothly, his friends sticking by his side (well, one of them they have assigned alphabetically seating so that’s a little awkward to say the least. It helps that Zayn shoots him weird and funny glances from across the room throughout the period though) during all the periods that they can. Even if Liam’s bigger than most of all of them, the four other lads feel nothing but protective when it comes to him and Liam couldn’t be more grateful for that.

 

When it comes to last period, though, Zayn drops him off in front of the the gym claiming that it’s on the way to his class before sending him a smile and wishing him good luck.

 

“It’s one class Z.” Liam says, rolling his eyes but he can’t help but feel that little feeling of dread and worry form in the bottom of his stomach.

 

“I’ll miss you.” Zayn says dramatically, pretending to swoon.

 

Liam laughs, catching him. “Very funny babe.” He says. “I’ll see you after class.”

 

“Bye!” Zayn calls, going through the crowds as Liam ducks into the gym, only to be greeted with what he would consider his worst nightmare.

 

Every single one of the guys who still take the shit out of him are in this class.

 

Liam bites his lip nervously, hand going to his wrist automatically as the nervous set in. One of the boys caught him standing there and start laughing. “Wrong class Payne. What were you looking for? Cock sucking 101?” The rest of them snicker as Liam bites his lip harder, drawing blood.

 

“And that type of language,” Say the teacher walking in. Liam recognises him as the football coach (he’s been to his fair share of games, since Louis’s on the team). “Will not be tolerated. I’m not going to make you apologise because all know that it would be the shittiest apology I’ve _ever_ heard but I hear that language again I’ll bench you, got that Robertson?”

 

The boy glares at Liam like it’s all his fault. “Yes sir.”

 

“Good, now, why don’t we get started boys?”

 

________________________________________________

 

“Liam, can I talk to you?” Coach Smith says after the bell’s rung and the boys are filling out of the changing room.

 

Liam nods, walking over to him. “What is it coach?” No one ever called him anything else, even if they weren’t on his team.

 

“How long has Robertson been, uh, bugging you, exactly?” He asks.

 

Liam shifts on the balls of his feet awkwardly. “Um… Year 6, I think.” He says in a small voice.

 

Coach looks at him. “Over 6 years?” He says, looking for confirmation.

 

“Um…” Liam says awkwardly. “Can I go? My f-friend’s probably waiting for me and I don’t want him to worry something happened.”

 

He nods. “Of course of course.” Liam starts to walk away but before he’s taken more than a couple steps, coach grabs his wrist (the one he’d been abusing during the period) and flips it over to look at the side that’s covered in nail marks and is a different shade of red. He raises an eyebrow at Liam. “You should get that checked out.” He advises, dropping the wrist to pull up the sleeve of his own shirt just enough that Liam can see a couple scars on coach’s own wrist.

 

Liam’s eyes widen. “I’m not- I don’t-”

 

“I didn’t say anything about that.” He says vaguely, but there’s a knowing look in his eyes. “But talking helps.” He jerks his chin over to the door where Liam can see Zayn’s face in the window, looking in with a worried expression. “You should go talk to your friend Liam.”

 

Liam nods, going over to the gym doors and walking out, slightly dazed. “What took you so long?” Zayn asks with a worried expression.

 

“I was just talking to Coach.” Liam says, deciding not to tell Zayn about the odd conversation he just had with the coach.

 

“Bout what?” Zayn says as they head to the hall with their lockers. They weren’t beside each other like they had been last year, but there were only about 4 lockers in between them so it wasn’t too bad. By the time they had walked to their lockers, the halls had mostly cleared out (most of the kids wanting to get home as soon as possible. Liam couldn’t blame them) and the other three boys were waiting at their lockers.

 

“Peter’s again?” Louis says as soon as they’re close enough to hear. Almost everyday after school the five of them went to the local dinner (along with about half their classmates) and sat in a too small booth in the back corner, joking around.

 

“I’m in.” Zayn says automatically. “I’m dying for a burger. You?” He says, looking over at Liam where he’s silently putting in his books.

 

He thinks it over for a couple seconds. He didn’t always go with them (sometimes he was just too tired to deal with the loud noises and all the people) but he catches Zayn’s pleading eyes and nods automatically. “Yeah, sure.”

 

Zayn grins at him, grabbing his empty bag and coming over to him. “We’ll meet you guys there.”

 

Out of all five of them, the only one of them willing to go on Zayn’s motorcycle with him was Liam, so it usually resulted them in taking two vehicles everywhere. Niall had his own car that he took Louis and Harry with and Liam rode with Zayn on his motorcycle. The five of them head out into the parking lot, Harry, Niall and Louis heading over to Niall’s car and Liam and Zayn heading over to Zayn’s motorcycle. Zayn grabs the two helmets, putting them on the seat as the car drives out of the lot. “What’s up?” Liam asks, noticing some thing’s up. Usually Zayn will just those him his helmet and then they’ll go but he’s stalling.

 

“Lemme see your wrist Li.” Zayn says in a soft voice.

 

Liam’s hand automatically goes to cover it. “Why?”

 

Zayn just gives him a look. “C’mon we both know when you’re stressed you…”

 

“Fine.” Liam says, showing his wrist to him. The red’s faded but you could still see patches of it, and the deeper nail indents. Zayn takes his wrist in a soft grasp, fingers ghosting over the warmer skin before bring it up to his lips to softly press it to them. He keeps it there longer than necessary causing Liam to blush. When he gives Liam back his hand, he smiles at him softly before handing him the helmet.

 

“C’mon.” Zayn says, putting his own on and climbing onto the bike. “They’re probably already there.”

 

Liam nods, putting his helmet on as well and following Zayn onto the bike, wrapping his arms around Zayn’s waist tightly and resting his head on his back as they drive.

 

________________________________________________

 

The next couple of weeks fly by, the five boys falling into a regular schedule of school, hanging out afterwards and on the weekends like they did last year. They usually stay at Liam’s place since his parents are barely home, which is where they are now.

 

“Heard there’s gonna be a new kid in our grade.” Niall comments as they play Mario Kart. Liam’s currently in first place, but he can tell Louis’s right behind him.

 

“Oh yeah.” Louis says, nodding as he takes a hard right. “Coach mentioned him. Apparently he’s like some, genius footie player or summthin’. Said he already recruited him for the team.”

 

“That jealousy I hear in your voice?” Liam teases as Harry and Zayn come into the room carrying drinks for them. Harry places a couple drinks on the coffee table before collapsing next to Louis, kissing him on the cheek. The two of them have been dating for ages now, getting together right as they were getting to know one another. Zayn puts his and Liam’s glasses on the side table, sitting on the couch next to Liam and putting an arm on the back of the couch and around Liam. He slowly falls into Zayn’s warmth, getting into a new comfortable spot where he’s leaning against Zayn.

 

“No.” Louis grumbles, hitting a banana peel.

 

Liam smirks, passing him and finishing the race in first.

 

“Nice.” Zayn says, kissing his cheek messily.

 

Liam laughs, wiping at the slobber. “Nasty.” He jokes, hitting Zayn with his shoulder but ending up resting it there so most of his body weight is on Zayn. Zayn moves so his arm is actually on Liam’s shoulder, the other one snaking around to rest on his tummy, thumbing moving in slow, comforting circles.

 

“So what’s Louis jealous of?” Zayn asks, resting his head on Liam’s shoulder.

 

“New kid.” Louis says. “And I’m _not_  jealous.”

 

“Apparently coach has already recruited him for the team.” Liam says in a teasing tone.

 

“Oi shut your face Liam and make out with your boyfriend.” Louis grumbles, taking a gulp out of his glass as Liam and Zayn both blush.

 

“We’re not-” Liam starts to say, but then Zayn cuts him off, kissing his cheek messily again.

 

“Actually we’re not dating, we’re married.” He jokes, eyes crinkling as he smiles.

 

“’Bout time.” Niall grumbles, laying out on the floor beneath them. “We gonna watch a movie or what?”

 

“You getting up to put it in?” Louis replies from the recliner where he’s already curled himself up in Harry’s lap.

 

Niall looks between the four of them, rolling his eyes and crawling over to the pill of movies. “Bloody idiots.” He mutters under his breath. “Because I’ll be the only one watching the movie, I get to pick.”

 

None of the other boys complain because they all know it’s true. They’re about 20 minutes in when Niall’s prediction comes true. Harry and Louis are talking softly and making out on their chair while Liam’s playing with Zayn’s fingers, listening to him talk.

 

“How you feeling?” Zayn whispers, lips brushing his ear.

 

Liam shrugs slightly, careful not to jostle him. “Fine.”

 

“Fine or good?” Zayn whispers as Liam spreads his fingers, moving them around with his own.

 

Liam bites his lip lightly. He knows what Zayn’s asking and he doesn’t want to lie about it for once. “Fine.”

 

Zayn nods, kissing his cheek. “You’re very lovely you know that?” Liam blushes in embarrassment. “M’serious Li.” He mumbles. “You’ve got these really nice big hands.” He says, moving his fingers so that they can intertwine their fingers. “And the your eyes are like, the nicest shade of brown I’ve ever seen. Like melted chocolate, if you will.” He giggles. “I like your hair too, whether it’s your curls or the buzzcut or anything else.” He noses at Liam’s neck. “You have a very nice body, too. From the objective view. Wish I had abs like you.” He says. “But then… Your personality Leeyum.” He kisses Liam’s neck lightly, moving around a little bit to kiss different parts. “You’re so kind even if everyone’s shit to you. And funny, smart… I could go on for ages Li.”

 

Liam blushes harder, looking down at where their hands ar clasped on his stomach and can’t help but admire how different their skin tones look (a nice different though) and how well their hands fit together. “Z…” He mumbles, unsure of what else to say.

 

“M’serious.” He says. “You’re my lovely lovely Leeyum and anyone would be lucky to be loved by you.” He kisses Liam’s cheek again, but this time his lips linger longer, making it feel different from the other ones. “My lovely lovely Leeyum.” He mumbles again, keeping his lips pressed to his cheek.

 

________________________________________________

 

A few days later, Zayn ends up out sick and none of the boys knew until after he was late to pick Liam up (which had never happen before) and Niall had already left so Liam was stuck taking the bus to school. Looking at his watch as he walks quickly though the halls, trying to figure out the best way to get to his locker and then homeroom without being later, Liam accidentally runs into someone.

 

“Oh shit,” The boy says automatically as Liam falls flat on his ass. He’s got curly brown hair that’s matted on the top of his head and thin body, like it’s made for running. The boy offers out his hand and an apologetic smile. “Let me help you up.”

 

“Uh…” Liam says, taking the hand and letting himself be helped up. “Thanks.” He says, blushing.

 

“I’m Jamie Adams.” He introduces himself.

 

“M’Liam. Liam Payne.” He mumbles, offering him a smile.

 

The boy- Jamie- nods, but an emotion Liam can’t read passes through his eyes. “Well, I feel horrible for knocking you down. At least let me walk to you your class.” He says, winking at Liam.

 

Liam ducks his head, blushing. “I still have to get my books.” He says stupidly.

 

“Well, lead the way to your locker then.” He says, flourishing his hands.

 

Liam nods, as they begin their walk to his locker. Their walk is silent and not in the comfortable way like Liam has with Zayn. “Soo…” Liam says softly as they reach his locker and he puts in his combination.

 

“Sooo…” He says in the same tone. “What’d you like to do with your spare time Liam?”

 

Liam shrugs. “Mostly with my mates or just by myself.”

 

“No hobbies?” Jamie asks, leaning against the locker beside Liam’s as he grabs his stuff and stuffs it into his bag.

 

“Not really, no.” He blushes. “What, um, what homeroom do you have?”

 

“Ms. Mores, I think.” He says, lips twitching up into a smile. “You don’t have that by any chance do you?”

 

Liam shakes his head, giving him a small apologetic smile. “Sorry. I’ve got Mr. Brown, room next to you though.”

 

“Ah.” He says as Liam shuts his locker and hikes up his bag onto his shoulder. They walk the rest of the way to their classes, Jamie stopping just before the door. “I uh, this might seem really sudden and it’s cool if you don’t wanna or you’re not into guys or anything but do you maybe wanna get dinner with me some time?”

 

Liam looks at him, completely surprised. He’s tempted to look around to see if there’s anyone else Jamie might be talking to because there’s no way that this cute new boy is asking him, boring old Liam Payne, out on a date. “Me?” He squeaks, cheeks flushing.

 

Jamie sends him a smile, another unreadable expression coming over his eyes but it’s gone just as quickly as the first one. “Yeah I mean it’s cool if you say no because we first met-”

 

“No!” Liam says too loudly, immediately blushing. “I mean, yes, I’d like to go out on a date with you.”

 

Jamie grins at him. “Awesome. A couple of the guys on the team said that uh, Peter’s is a good place. Meet there Friday at 6?” He’s already backing away and to his classroom (Liam knows the bell’s going to ring any second now), but he’s still grinning at Liam.

 

“Yeah, definitely.” He says in a stupid voice, ducking into his own classroom just as the bell rings in a daze. He slips to the back and into his free desk next to Louis who shoots him a confused look.

 

“Why the hell are you so late?” He whisper/hisses at Liam.

 

Liam just looks at him with a stupid look on his face. “I have a date.”

 

“What?” Louis says, a little louder this time and earning a glare from the people around them. “You have a what?”

 

“A date.” Liam says in the same voice, before it all hits him. “Louis… Someone asked me out.”

 

The teacher glares at them, causing Louis to slump back in his chair and let Liam’s brain think over everything that happened in the hall down to the very last detail, but as soon as the bell rings for their next class, Louis grabs his wrist. “Spill everything now.” He says as they walk to their next class that they share together. Niall and Harry had already booked it out of the class since their classes were on the other side of the school.

 

“I was running late, since Z’s out sick,” Liam starts to say. “And I ran into his new guy, I don’t think he’s been here before and he insisted on walking me to class and then out of the blue he just asked me out. We’re going to Peter’s on Friday for dinner.”

 

Louis grins at him, slinging an arm around his shoulder. “This is great Li!” He ruffles his hand over Liam’s head as they duck into their class. “Told you you were a catch.” He winks at Liam causing him to blush as they find their seats in the back.

 

“I just…” He starts to say, scratching at his head. “Someone wants to date me.” He lets out a small laugh accomonied by a small smile, letting a small feeling of warmth take over him. The person might not be Zayn but-

 

Liam stops his train of thought immediately because, um, _what._

 

 _I don’t like Zayn_. He thinks to himself firmly. _I don’t like Zayn because he deserves better and if I did like him it would all end horribly because he’s just my mate. My best mate and that’s all he feels and is all he’s going to feel for you, you stupid idiot. God. You’re lucky you even have a date you worthless-_

 

Liam stops his thoughts again, biting on his lip harshly. It was hard sometimes, getting lost in his thoughts. They almost always ended up going down that horrible dark path even if Liam tried to stop himself. Forcing those thoughts into the back of his mind as best as he can, Liam tunes into what the teacher is talking about and tries to do his best and focus.

 

________________________________________________

 

“Are we gonna drop you off at Zayn’s?” Niall asks when Liam meets them in the parking lot after class. The three of them are just waiting on Louis who had to go and talk to his coach about something.

 

Liam sends Niall a quick smile. “Yeah, if it’s not too much trouble.” He says. “I could always walk.”

 

Niall shakes his head, grinning at him as he slings an arm around Liam. “Nah, it’s cool. We all know you like playing nurse for our little Zayniekins when he’s sick.”

 

Liam ducks out from underneath his arm, face bright red. “There’s nothing wrong with wanting to check up on him.” He pauses before adding; “And I’m not ‘playing nurse.’”

 

Niall grins wickedly at him as Harry laughs. “Secrets safe with us mate.” He winks knowingly.

 

Liam’s saved from trying to reply when Louis comes out of the school, completely fuming. “I hate the new bastard who’s on the team.” He growls out when he reaches their group.

 

Liam can’t help but laugh at his dramatics. “I can’t imagine he’s that bad.”

 

“He’s a homophobic sexist little prick and I swear to god I’m going to kill him.” He spits out in an angry tone. He looks like he’s itching to punch something or someone but the look fades a bit when Harry puts an arm around him, pulling him close. It’s not gone completely, but he’s calmed down slightly. “God I hate entitled pricks.” He mutters angrily.

 

“Tough luck mate.” Niall says sympathetically as he unlocks his car and the four of them climb in, Liam and Niall up front and Harry and Louis in the back.

 

Liam doesn’t really listen to what Louis’s saying (probably still fuming about the new guy on his team) as he fiddles with the radio, trying to find a good station to put it on.

 

The drive to Zayn’s house isn’t a long one but Liam’s still surprised at how quickly it took them to get there. He figures he must’ve zoned out or something. After thanking Niall for the drive, he ducks out of the car and jogs up to the house, ringing the door bell.

 

The door opens seconds later by Zayn’s mother, who smiles at Liam. “Liam, dear, you know you don’t need to ring the door bell right? You can just come right in?” She moves to the side as she opens the door, allowing Liam to walk into the house.

 

Liam ducks his head as he walks in, blushing slightly. “Sorry.”

 

Trisha laughs, before heading into the kitchen to grab a thing of soup. “It’s fine love. Why don’t you take this up to Zayn since we both know you’re here to see him?” She winks knowingly at Liam who takes the bowl of soup, cheeks flushing more.

 

Liam takes the familiar route up to Zayn’s room, knocking lightly on the door but opening it right after. He knows a sick Zayn means sleeping for roughly 20 hours and then being only half awake and miserable for the other four. “Z, you awake?” Liam asks as he steps into the dark room. He shuts the door behind him and then heads over to the bed, placing the bowl of soup on Zayn’s bedside table.

 

“Liam?” A stuffy voice asks from underneath a pile of covers. Liam laughs softly, sitting on the edge of the bed and pulling the covers back to reveal a very sick Zayn.

 

“I brought soup.” He offers quietly.

 

Zayn groans softly as he moves himself into a sitting up position, before pouting at Liam. “Feed me?” He asks in a childish voice.

 

Liam rolls his eyes but grabs the bowl anyways and begins to feed Zayn. “So something happened today.” He says, trying to remain calm about it.

 

“What happened?” Zayn says between sips, automatically assuming the worse.

 

“Nothing bad.” Liam reassures him quickly, blushing. “It’s um, actually… Someone asked me out on a date.”

 

Zayn raises an eyebrow before smiling at him. “I told you you were catch.” He says softly, before taking the spoon out of Liam’s hand, obviously feeling up to feed himself. “Just, uh… Be careful.” He says after a couple moments of silence.

 

“Be careful?” Liam asks, confused.

 

Zayn shifts slightly uncomfortable before sneezing. Liam automatically reaches over to hand him a tissue and Zayn smiles at him thankfully before blowing his nose. “Thanks.” He says before throwing it out in the garbage. “And I just mean… You know how people are at our school and how they act towards you I just-”

 

“You think this is all a joke?” Liam asks, standing up.

 

“Liam I’m just trying to look out for you-” Zayn says, trying to explain.

 

Liam shakes his head. “You’re just… No, Jamie wouldn’t do that to me, he’s too nice.” He says firmly and crosses his arms.

 

“I didn’t say he would Li,” Zayn says softly. “I’m just trying to look out for you.”

 

“I can look out for myself Zayn.” Liam says. “I know you and Louis and the rest think I can’t but-”

 

Zayn gives him a sharp look. “We know you can look after yourself Liam, we’re your friends though and we just want you-”

 

“To be happy, yeah.” Liam sighs, sitting down. “Sorry I’m just…” He waves his hands slightly, hoping Zayn gets the message.

 

Zayn nods, putting the soup back off to the side before moving to one side of his bed and patting the empty spot. “Come.” He demands as well as he can.

 

Liam laughs softly, but doesn’t deny him. He crawls over to the spot, getting in under the covers and Zayn curls up next to him automatically. “God, you’re on fire Zayn.” Liam says as his hot skin touches him.

 

“I feel freezing cold.” He mutters in the curve of Liam’s neck. Liam wraps his arms around Zayn’s waist, pulling him so he’s more on top of Liam. “Mmm… Better.” He mumbles, curling a fist into Liam’s shirt.

 

“Can’t stay for too long.” Liam whispers to him, petting a hand through Zayn’s thick hair. “Mum’ll be worried.”

 

“Text her and tell her you’re staying the night.” Zayn mumbles, already half asleep.

 

Liam laughs softly, careful not to jostle him. “I have school in the morning sunshine.”

 

Zayn moves his head so he can look at Liam, pouting. “No.”

 

“Sorry babe.” Liam says as Zayn goes back to resting his head. “Can’t skip this early in the year, you know that.”

 

He snorts. “You don’t skip _at all.”_

 

“Shut up.” Liam replies fondly, rubbing at Zayn’s back.

 

“Night babe.” Zayn mumbles. “Love you.”

 

Liam kisses the top of his head softly, ignoring the uptick in his heart beat. “Love you too.”

 

________________________________________________

 

The rest of the week goes horribly slow without Zayn there, but (after what feels like a year of waiting), it’s Friday and the day of Liam’s date. He hasn’t seen Jamie since the Tuesday that he asked him out and since he doesn’t have his number, Liam hasn’t contacted him at all.

 

As of right now, it’s 5:30 and Liam still hasn’t decided on what to wear.

 

“What about this?” Liam asks Louis, pulling up an old Batman shirt.

 

Louis looks up from his text book and makes a face at the shirt. “Nope.” He pauses for a second, looking at all the clothes that Liam has laid out. “Where’s that blank Henley you have?”

 

Liam raises an eyebrow at him. “That shirt looks like it’s 2 sizes too small.”

 

“Yeah but it makes your arms look fucking huge.” Louis says. “And then wear those black skinny jeans you have.”

 

Liam sighs, but rummages through his drawers, looking for the two articles of clothing. It takes him a couple moments to find them, but he manages to and goes into the bathroom to change. He quickly shucks off what he’s already wearing, doing his best not to look in the mirror before throwing on the clothes Louis told him to wear before heading back out. “How do I look?” He asks in a worried tone.

 

Louis looks up from his textbook again and lets out a low whistle. “Damn Payne, you clean up good.” He laughs.

 

Liam smiles at him, before checking the clock. 5:45. “I gotta go, you can get a ride-”

 

“Harry’s picking me up soon. You don’t mind if I chill here till he gets here?” Louis asks, checking his phone.

 

Liam shrugs. “Lock up behind you, don’t destroy my room, don’t go in the fridge or the booze cabinet and actually leave when Harry gets here, got it?”

 

Louis grins up at him. “Scout’s honour.”

 

“You weren’t a scout.” Liam points out before grabbing the keys to the family car that his parents let him borrow for the night.

 

“Details Payno!” Louis calls after him.

 

________________________________________________

 

Liam arrives at the restaurant just a little bit after 6, but when he gets inside he doesn’t see Jamie anywhere, so he takes a booth in one of the back corners and sits facing the door so he can see when Jamie gets here.

 

“Hello my name is Wendy, can I- oh, Liam, hello.” The waitress says, coming up to his booth.

 

Liam smiles at her. “Uh, hello.”

 

“I didn’t recognise you without the rest of your friends.” She laughs. “Are you waiting on them?”

 

“My uh, my date actually.” Liam says shyly and Wendy winks at him.

 

“Very well. Water?”

 

He smiles at her. “Thanks.”

 

She disappears in a flurry, leaving Liam alone again while he waits for his date. It doesn’t take her long to come back with the water, but she disappears again right after that. As the seconds turn into minutes, Liam checks his phone.

 

0 messages, 0 missed calls.

 

“He doesn’t have your number.” Liam reminds himself softly, looking up at the clock. 6:15. “And he’s not even that late.”

 

6:15 turns into 6:30 and 6:30 turns into 6:45 and Liam’s stuck looking at his phone blankly. Liam double checks the date, but there it is, Friday October 3rd and he’s sitting alone in a booth. Stood up. He takes a calming breath, forcing himself to breath regularly and bite back any tears. Maybe Jamie had an explanation, a reason that he couldn’t show up to their date…

 

 _Or maybe Zayn was right._ Another voice whispers, _no one wants to actually date you, god why would they? You’re useless, dumb, ugly-_

 

“Liam?” Wendy says in a soft voice, coming up to his booth. “Love, we’re closing now.”

 

Liam nods. “Right… Sorry for, uh, taking up the booth.”

 

She sends him a pitying look. “It’s okay sweetheart… Do you have a ride home?”

 

He nods again, numb. “Uh, yeah I drove myself here.” He slides out of the booth, dropping a couple dollars on the table as an apology before leaving. He gets into his car and drives home on automatic, forcing any unnecessary thoughts to the back of his head as he bites on his lip so roughly that he draws blood. He focus on that, the physical pain and the taste of his blood instead of his thoughts as he walks up to his empty room in the empty house.

 

He turns off his phone first, putting it face down on his desk before heading into his washroom. He turns on the shower as cold as it will go, stripping out of his clothes and standing in front of the mirror. “Worthless.” He whispers to himself, tears welding up in his eyes. “You actually thought someone would want to go on a date with you?” He lets out a cruel laugh as tears fall. “God you’re pathetic.”

 

He turns around, getting into the shower. He does his best to clean up but soon enough, he’s just sitting on the ground underneath the spray, crying to himself as he curls up in a ball. His fingers itch across his skin before the finally find his wrists and, without much of a thought, he starts scratching at the skin. Words fall off of his lips without him realising it and the collection of cuts and welts on his skin grows, pain flowing up his arm but it comforts him a way he knows isn’t normal but he… He _likes_ it. He likes the way it welcomes him like an old friend, like it knew he wouldn’t be able to make it and that he would end up relapsing.

 

He always does.

 

Liam doesn’t know home much later it is, but he finally turns off the water with shaking hands and climbs out of the tub and grabs a towel. He wraps himself around in it after drying off and looks down at his wrist. 8 new cuts, still stinging. “Good.” He whispers to himself, looking into his blood shot eyes through the mirror. “This is what you deserve.”

 

Liam cries himself to sleep that night.

 

________________________________________________

 

Liam spends the entire weekend locked up in his room. He doesn’t turn on his phone, he barely eats, doesn’t talk. The boys try and visit him but he never opens the door. He doesn’t want to hear Niall’s jokes, Harry’s comforts, Louis’s distractions or Zayn’s ‘I told you so’s. He spends most of his time either in his shower or staring at a blank wall, thinking.

 

By the time Monday rolls around, there’s another 10 or so marks on his wrist in addition to the first 8.

 

Liam throws on an old hoodie (he thinks it might be Zayn’s, judging by the smoke smell and the fact that it’s just a little too tight in the shoulders) and an old pair of jeans before rolling out of bed and downstairs. His parents and sisters are already gone, but there’s a note on a plate that has a few peice of toast on it.

 

‘If you’re up for it and remember, you don’t need to be perfect. Love, your family.’

 

Liam smiles very slightly to himself, taking a peice of toast before heading out the door to wait for Zayn.

 

It doesn’t take him long and before Liam knows it, he’s pulling up the driveway and taking his helmet off. “Hey.” He calls as Liam walks down to meet him. He hands Liam his helmet. “How you feeling?” He asks cautiously.

 

Liam shrugs. “Weather’s a little shit.” Even though it isn’t. It’s their code sentence. When Liam’s feeling like shit but doesn’t want to talk about it, that’s what he says.

 

Zayn nods, understanding. “C’mon.” He says, patting the seat behind him before Liam climbs on and wraps his arms around his waist tightly. “Hold on.” He reminds Liam even if he doesn’t have to.

 

As soon as they get to the school, Niall, Louis and Harry are surrounding them but hovering at the same time, like they’re afraid if they step wrong Liam might break. They act the same way after every time Liam has an… Episode. They haven’t been friends with Liam as long as Zayn has and Liam knows they’re trying their best so he just smiles at Niall and asks Louis about the upcoming game.

 

Liam’s only half listening to Louis talk when he sees Jamie, laughing and talking with some of the football guys who give Liam the worst trouble. “I… I have to do something.” Liam interrupts him suddenly, a fire starting in his stomach. It’s about time he stood up for himself, isn’t it?

 

“What?” Louis asks, looking over at where Liam is looking. “Wait… Liam… Was your date… Jamie?” Liam nods. “God, shit, I’m sorry.” He says.

 

Liam shakes his head, “It’s not your fault.” He pauses. “I’m… I need to do this alone.”

 

The four others share a look, obviously not liking it but Liam doesn’t give them a chance to stop him. He walks determinedly over to the group of football players and they notice him walking up right away, and Jamie smirks at him and, suddenly, he doesn’t seem so attractive.

 

“Liam, I’d say sorry for missing our date but, you know, I’m not.” Jamie laughs, the other echoing around him.

 

Liam bites his lip, thinking for a moment. “You’re just a lowly football player with no balls.”

 

“Wouldn’t you like to check.” He smirks, the other players ‘ooooh’ing and clapping him on the back.

 

“I have this thing called standards.” Liam bites out angrily. “And you know what? I might die alone but I’ll take pleasure in knowing you will too.”

 

He starts to walk away when he hears Jamie call out behind him. “You’re going to be alone forever Payne. You’re just a worthless, ugly peice of shit, you fag. And I’m just calling it as I see it. No one will ever love you.” He laughs. “I mean, how could they? Just go slit your wrists like a good little emo.”

 

Liam bites his tongue roughly, focusing on everything but how true those words are as he heads into the school, walking around blindly until he reaches one of the bathrooms that no one every goes to and he collapses on the floor, breathing picking up and his chest feeling like it’s going to collapse on him.

 

He tries to focus on his breathing, trying to make it full, slow breathes but he can’t and they end up staying short and shallow, his heart rating going through the roof. He can feel the tears streaming down his face, and no matter how much he tries to wipe at them, they don’t stop falling into his lap. Liam thinks he can hear someone come into the washroom but every thing’s muted, distanced from himself. He thinks he hears his name but he- he can’t hear anything other than his shallow breathing and his heart pounding in his head oh my god, he’s going to die-

 

Someone with cold hands grabs his own, pulling them away from each other and into the cold hands. “Liam… Babe… Can you hear me?” They’re asking, a gentle hold on his hands. They know not to hold him too tight, that it’ll only drive him father into himself. “Liam, c’mon babe, focus on me, on my voice ok?”

 

Liam’s brain latches onto the soothing voice as it talks about the most random things, just listening to the sound it’s making and slowly calming him down. “Zayn…” He says in a rough voice, it cracking from lack of use and stress from his breathing.

 

“Right here babe.” He whispers softly, wrapping an arm around Liam and bringing him close.

 

Liam lets his head rest against Zayn’s shoulder, tears still falling from his eyes but there’s less of them there as he latches his arms around Zayn’s waist. “I-I’m s-sorry.” He stutters out, breathing still uneven.

 

“Shhh…” He whispers, petting Liam’s hair. “Nothing to be sorry for babe, nothing at all.”

 

“I promised you I would stop.” He mutters back, hoping Zayn knows what he’s talking about.

 

“You tried and that’s all I wanted babe.” He whispers and of course Zayn knows what he’s talking about, Zayn always knows, even when Liam himself doesn’t know. “And I promised to be with you every step of the way, and that includes when you fall.”

 

________________________________________________

 

For the next few weeks, Liam gets walked to all of his classes and, honestly, he’s a little thankful for it. He doesn’t exactly want to know what people in the halls are saying.

 

As of now, it was the Friday before spirit week, which meant everyone was in a frenzy to try and find a date to the homecoming dance that was a week away. Louis had asked Harry- in all his dramatic flair- the day before in the middle of the caf, causing a very big scene, but from what Liam saw, Harry was extactic about it. Niall, on the other hand, had been asking girls to go with him for over 2 weeks, but every single girl shot him down (not that that discouraged him).

 

“What about that girl in your English class?” Liam asks Niall at lunch.

 

“Breanna?” Niall questions.

 

“I thought it was Brittany?” Liam laughs.

 

Niall shrugs. “I’ll talk to her.” He says as Zayn and Louis join their table, slipping into their free seats. Zayn automatically throws an arm around Liam, pushing their trays together to steal some food off of Liam.

 

“What’d are we talking about?” Zayn asks as Liam takes the apple off of his tray and bites into it.

 

“Homecoming dance.” Harry says. “We’re all still going together right?”

 

Louis nods. “Yeah, Niall and whatever girl gets stuck with him-”

 

“Oi!”

 

“-Me and Harry and then Zayn and Liam. Like always.” Louis finishes without paying attention to Niall.

 

Liam shifts awkwardly. “I uh, I wasn’t gonna go, actually.” Suddenly the four of them are talking at once, obviously not okay with this idea as Liam laughs awkwardly. “It’s fine, really.” He shrugs. “I mean, it’s not fair to you Zayn.”

 

“Not fair to me?” Zayn asks.

 

Liam shrugs again, unsure of what else to do. “I mean, you’re obviously gonna want to ask someone to go with you on an actual date.”

 

“An actual date.” He deadpans and Liam nods.

 

“I’m cool with it- not that you need my permission, I’m just gonna stay home probably. Get some homework done or something.”

 

Zayn looks at him for a couple seconds before abruptly getting up. “I’ve uh, I forgot I had to go do something in the art room. Louis could you-”

 

“Right, right.” Louis says, nodding. “Totally.” He kisses Harry’s cheek quickly before the two of them are gone, leaving the other three boys extremely confused.

 

“Because _that_ was normal.” Niall says sarcastically before continuing to eat. Liam, on the other hand, can’t shake the unease feeling in his stomach.

 

“I’m gonna go-” Liam says, getting up and grabbing his bag. “I’ll talk to you guys later.” He doesn’t give them a chance to reply or follow before he’s leaving the caf, heading towards the art room when he passes a washroom and hears Zayn’s familiar voice.

 

“I can’t tell Liam ok?!” He yells, and Liam bites his lip. Tell him what? That he doesn’t want to be friends with him anymore?

 

 _It was about time_. That nasty voice whispers to him. _Everyone will leave you._

 

“Why not?” Louis asks. “You’re only hurting him Zayn by playing along this way.”

 

“You know what Louis?” Zayn says in an angry voice. “I don’t need to explain myself to you or Harry or Niall or Liam or- or _anyone_.” Liam can hear his footsteps heading towards the door and he quickly ducks behind one of the walls that stick out as Zayn walks by, completely fuming and blind to Liam as he slides to the floor, nails biting into his wrist again.

 

________________________________________________

 

Liam does his best to avoid Zayn for the next week, which is a lot harder than it sounds, see as they share every class together except 3. He ends up avoiding the other boys too, knowing that they’ll only ask Liam about Zayn. He knows that Zayn’s going to still tell him that they can’t be friends, that he has too many problems for Zayn to deal with and worry about.

 

His luck final runs out a week later, a few hours before homecoming’s about to start. He’s at home, hiding up in his room while watching crappy TV on his laptop when someone barges into his room.

 

“You’ve been avoiding me.” Zayn says, crossing his arms. He’s already wearing a tux, looking better than ever and it makes Liam’s heart skip a beat.

 

“So what if I have been?” He says evenly, still looking at him computer screen but not actually paying attention. He can't look up at Zayn, he just  _can't._

 

“So what if-” Zayn starts to say, completely baffled. “Liam, I’m trying to have a serious conversation with you can you _please_ pay attention to me?” His voice cracks on the please, causing Liam to finally look up at him as he closes the laptop. This was it. This was Zayn telling him that he didn’t want to be friends with him anymore and that- “What did I do wrong?” He whispers softly.

 

“Wh-what?” Liam asks, confused. He wants to tell Zayn that he’s never done anything wrong, that he’s the strongest, kindest person Liam’s ever met and that he wishes, god, he just wishes that he could be as strong and wonderful as Zayn is.

 

“What did I do to make you avoid me?” He asks in a small voice, eyes tearing up. “I-I’m sorry, whatever I did I can-”

 

Liam scrambles off of his bed, hugging Zayn tightly, unable to help himself. “Shhh…” He whispers, petting the back of Zayn’s neck so he doesn’t ruin Zayn’s hair. God, he wishes he was going with him to the homecoming dance, not whatever lucky girl or boy Zayn decided to ask. “You’ve done nothing wrong, never.” He whispers.

 

“Something’s obviously happened.” Zayn mumbles against his chest, letting his head rest there.

 

“I, uh.” Liam says. “I heard you talking to Louis.”

 

Zayn freezes up in his arms, taking a step back. “I-I’m sorry I-”

 

Liam shakes his head, giving Zayn a watery smile. “It’s fine, I could tell what you guys were talking about and…” He takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself but he can feel his breath getting shallower and the tears coming on. “And I respect your decision to not be friends with me anymore and I get it, I do.”

 

“You… You think I don’t want to be friends with you?” Zayn says and when Liam nods tentatively, he can’t help but let out a laugh.

 

It rubs Liam the wrong way though, and every nasty thought coming up, full force on him. “Laugh all you want.” He hisses and Zayn’s jaw drops, the laughter stopping.

 

“Shit, babe, I didn’t-” He quickly wraps Liam up in a hug. “Shit, I wasn’t laughing at you babe, not at all.” He whispers. “I just. God, I’d never not want to be friends with you. Ever.”

 

Liam bites his lip. “Oh.” He says in a small voice.

 

“Liam, babe, you’re my best mate.” He says, puling back a bit so he can rest his forehead on Liam’s. “I’m gonna be your best mate no matter what ok? Even if I’m being stupid or if you think something else, I’m always your best mate.” He promises, kissing Liam on the forehead, causing him to blush.

 

“Me too.” He whispers back, meaning it.

 

Zayn smiles at him. “Now, c’mon, I know you have an old tux in that closet somewhere.”

 

Liam raises an eyebrow. “What for?”

 

“Well, Liam James Payne, I’m asking you to homecoming dance.” Zayn says firmly. “As my date, not my best mate.” There’s a pink tint to his cheeks.

 

“I-” Liam says. “Wait, a date?”

 

Zayn nods again, pausing for a second. “Unless you uh, don’t like me that way then we can forget I said anything-”

 

“No.” Liam says quickly, a blush covering his own cheeks. “I uh, I do. Like you that way. Have for ages.”

 

Zayn smiles up at him. “I’ll wait downstairs for you, like a proper gentleman.” He winks at Liam before ducking out of his room.

 

As soon as he’s gone, Liam scrambles for his phone, turning it on and cursing for how long it takes. There’s- holy shit- 50 messages, 28 missed calls on it, and all of them are from the boys. He doesn’t bother reading them all, just calls up Louis before looking through his closet.

 

“ _Liam Payne, you_ asshole.” Louis says as soon as he picks up his phone. “ _W_ _hat the fuck happened mate_?”

 

“Nothing, thoughts- shit!” Liam yells, swearing as he hits his head. “Never mind that, I have a problem.”

 

Louis sighs. “ _And that is?_ ”

 

“Zayn just fucking asked me to homecoming and I can’t find my bloody tux.” He says, before pausing. “Wait. You _knew_ Zayn liked- likes- me.”

 

“ _Uh, pretty sure the entire school knows that you two are madly in love with each other._ ” Louis replies. “ _And your tux is on the top shelf_.”

 

Liam looks up there, moving things around before he finds it sitting in the back corner. “How the fuck?”

 

“ _Boy’s pretty obvious about it_.” Louis says. “ _You both are, it was kind of annoying_.” He admits. “ _Now, don’t make Zayn wait long and we’ll meet you at the dance!_ ” He hangs up before Liam can reply to him.

 

Liam quickly pulls on the tux, careful not to make it rip though. He’s surprised it still fits, honestly, but he can admit he doesn’t look half bad in the mirror and, right now, he’s thankful for his buzzcut because now he doesn’t have to worry about doing something with his hair.

 

On a split second decision, he ducks into the washroom and brushes his teeth before spraying some cologne on himself because he’s pretty sure he doesn’t smell the nicest but he doesn’t want to make Zayn wait longer for him to have a shower because the dance- started 5 minutes ago.

 

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck.” Liam mutters, grabbing his phone and wallet and shoving it into his coat pockets before running out of his room and stopping just before the steps to make sure he looks normal and not like he’s been rushing.

 

Zayn’s already waiting for him at the bottom of the steps, just like in all those cheesy rom-com movies his sister make him watch that he secretly loves. “You look amazing.” He says honestly, grinning up at a blushing Liam.

 

“You look pretty amazing yourself.” He says, walking down to meet Zayn who wraps an arm around his waist just as a flash from a camera goes off. “Muuum.” Liam can’t help but whine, blinking to get rid of the black spots in his eyes. “Seriously?”

 

She gives him a very serious look. “My baby’s first dance.” She says in a fond voice, causing Liam to blush from embarrassment.

 

“Mum!” Liam says, looking over at Zayn who looks like he wants to laugh. He sends Zayn a glare, practically daring him to laugh. “We’re already late.”

 

“Oh, wait, get a picture of this.” Zayn says and before Liam can ask what ‘this’ is, Zayn’s going up on his tiptoes to kiss him on the cheek and Liam’s entire face is lighting up red as a flash goes off.

 

Karen smiles at the picture on her phone, before tapping something out. “You boys best get going.” She says, before giving Zayn a stern look. “You best have him home before midnight.”

 

Zayn nods seriously. “Of course Mrs. Payne.”

 

________________________________________________

 

The party’s already in full swing by the time they get there, but it’s not hard to find where their group is sitting at a table. It was some fast song that apparently no one felt the need to dance to.

 

“I’m surprised to see you two here so early.” Louis says as they sit down, Liam throwing an arm across the back of Zayn’s chair.

 

“Why?” He asks, completely confused.

 

“Thought you two would diffuse the sexual tension that’s been building for god knows how long.” Louis replies with a waggle of his eyebrows, causing both boys to blush.

 

The nights blurs into a non-stop dancing, drinking and laughing blur, Liam dancing with everyone from Zayn to Louis to Niall’s date, Brittany. Soon enough, though, they’re playing the last song for the dance and it’s one of those fast slow songs that are extremely pop-y.

 

“Care to dance?” Zayn whispers in his ear, offering Liam his hand.

 

Liam blushes, biting his lip softly before nodding, slipping his hand into Zayn’s and allowing himself to be pulled into the middle of the dance floor. As soon as Zayn’s found a spot he deems worthy, he lets go of Liam’s hand, only to slip his arms around his neck, pulling him in close as Liam wraps his arms around Zayn’s thin waist.

 

Zayn rests his head against Liam’s shoulder, letting the words of the song wash over the two boys.

 

_“You tell me that you’re sad and lost your way_

_You tell me that your tears are here to stay_

_But I know that you’re only hiding_

_And I wanna see you_

 

_You tell me that you’re hurt and you’re in pain_

_I can see your head is held in shame_

_But I just wanna see you smile again_

_See you smile again_

 

_But don’t burn out_

_Even if you scream and shout_

_It’ll come back to you_

_And I’ll be here for you_

 

_Oh I will carry you over Fire and water for your love_

_And I will hold you closer,_

_Hope your heart is strong enough_

_When the night is coming down_

_We will find a way_

_Through the dark”_

 

“Liam…” Zayn says in a soft voice, pulling back a bit so he can look into Liam’s eyes.

 

“Hm?” Liam asks, raising an eyebrow in question.

 

Zayn bites his lip nervously. “Can I… Can I kiss you?” He whispers, already leaning forward.

 

Liam nods a bit, leaning up to kiss Zayn on the lips softly. Zayn’s lips are sorta dry and chapped, but the kiss is nice and warm, especially when Zayn tightens his grip on Liam, pulling him closer. It’s nothing more than lips pressed together, but when Zayn pulls back, grinning at him, Liam can’t help but grin back. “I’ve liked you for ages.” Liam admits softly, lips brushing Zayn’s because they’re still so close.

 

“I couldn’t even tell you how long I’ve liked you.” Zayn whispers happily, kissing him again.

 

________________________________________________

 

_**EPILOGUE** _

_**8 months later** _

 

Liam can’t help but feel a sense of deja vu while at his prom, dancing with Zayn to the last slow song. “Babe…” He whispers. “I’m getting a very large sense of deja vu.”

 

Zayn giggles (how fucking adorable), nodding against him. “Just 8 months ago we got our shit together.” He whispers, nuzzling Liam’s neck.

 

“I can’t believe it’s only been 8 months.” Liam admits. Only a few more weeks before they’d be out of that school forever and into the big bad world.

 

“Official for 8 months.” Zayn says, laughing. “We might as well been dating since your 16th birthday.”

 

Liam laughs, agreeing with him as the song comes to a close. The teachers usher them all out, all obviously wanting to go home and sleep (since it was already past midnight), and Zayn and Liam climb onto Zayn’s motorcycle before they’re flying out of the parking lot. “Where are we going?” Liam laughs as the pass the turn to go to his house.

 

“Would it be cheesy for me to say I rented a hotel room?” Zayn asks.

 

Liam can’t help but laugh again. “Is this your way of asking me to get in my pants?”

 

“I mean- we could if you want but-” Zayn stutters out as they pull into another parking lot.

 

Liam gets off the bike after him, kissing him on the cheek after he takes off his helmet. “I was joking love.” He whispers, wrapping his arms around Zayn’s waist. “I actually think it’s amazing that you rented out a hotel room for us.” He kisses Zayn softly and slowly for a couple moments before pulling back to grin at him.

 

Zayn laughs and grabs Liam’s hand, pulling him into the hotel. He bypasses past the desk, going straight to the elevator and pressing the up button. “Y’know… Everyone here is probably thinking we’re gonna have sex.” Liam whispers, making sure his lips brush Zayn’s ear before he moves to his neck, kissing at it.

 

“Yeah us and every other teenager here.” Zayn mutters but tilts his head to the side slightly so then Liam has better access. The elevator finally arrives and the two boys climb into it, Zayn pressing the button for the 5th floor and as soon as the door closes with a soft ‘ding’ Liam attacks him, grabbing his hips and pulling their bodies together before kissing him messily.

 

Zayn moans loudly as his hands go into Liam’s grown out hair, tugging on it lightly and causing Liam’s hips to buck against his. Liam moves from Zayn’s lips, moving down to his neck, kissing and sucking on it, aiming to leave multiple marks. “Fuck, Liam.” Zayn moans, head hitting the elevator wall just as the door opens. He grins wickedly at Liam, grabbing his hand and running down the hall before stopping at their room. He barley has enough time to open the door before Liam’s on him again, kissing his neck once more. “Fuck, babe, lemme close the door.” Zayn can’t help but laugh, Liam pulling back a bit so he can do just that.

 

As soon as the door closes behind him, Zayn tugs Liam towards the bed, walking backwards so he falls on it, dragging Liam on top of him. Liam moves up his body so he’s straddling Zayn before leaning down to kiss him as Zayn’s hands run their way down his body, ending up at his ass. “Fuck you look o hot under me.” Liam groans out, moving his hips in little figure 8s onto Zayn. He can feel him hardening up underneath him and fuck if that isn’t the hottest thing he’s ever felt. He sits up, pulling off his jacket and undoing his tie as Zayn grins up at him, slowly unbuttoning his shirt before running his hands down Liam’s abs.

 

“God you’re fucking hot.” He mumbles out, nails digging into the skin just slightly before he sits up and quickly takes off his jacket, shirt and tie before lying back down and pulling Liam on top of him again. Liam quickly shimmies off his pants before moving down Zayn’s body to pull of his pants and boxers, getting up close and personal with Zayn’s dick.

 

It’s not like they’ve never done this before, getting each off, but it was usually done in the dark of one of their rooms, quick so they don’t get caught but now that Liam has the chance to slow down and truly enjoy things… Liam smirks to himself slightly before he takes the tip of Zayn’s dick into his mouth, one hand going to the base and the other to Zayn’s hip to hold him down. He slowly works his way up and down Zayn’s cock, letting himself adjust and take his time, pulling Zayn apart bit by bit. When Liam finally reaches the base, he looks up at Zayn as he swallows around his thickness, causing Zayn to moan his name loudly. “Liam… Fuck babe I’m gonna cum if you don’t stop.” Liam pulls back almost all the way, so the tips the only thing left in his mouth, licking at it slightly before pulling off fully and moving back up Zayn’s body, grinding their hips together, desperate for some sort of relief on his own dick.

 

“Z-Zayn…” Liam moans out, lips brushing. “Fuck, babe, lube and condom?”

 

“Beside table.” Zayn whimpers out when Liam grinds down particularly hard.

 

“Fuck you- you totally planned this.” Liam says, reaching blindly into the drawer to grab the bottle and wrapper.

 

“Th-thought I might get lucky.” Zayn laughs out, although it turns into a moan when Liam goes back to kissing his neck.

 

“So cocky.” He whispers, pulling back to sit on his heels and drenching his first two fingers in lube. He moves back down Zayn’s body, fingers circling Zayn’s rim as he whimpers, trying to push back on the fingers. Liam looks at his tight hole and suddenly he’s pressing his tongue flat against the hole and Zayn’s moaning loudly above him.

 

“Fuck, babe, is that your tongue?” Zayn moans above him and all Liam says in retaliation is a hum, pressing his tongue into him. “That’s so hot, fuck.” He pushes back against it lightly and Liam starts pressing his tongue in farther, before adding a finger in next to it.

 

A few moments later, Liam’s got three fingers in him, scissoring and stretching him out as he listens to Zayn moan. “Fuck, Liam, god I’m sorry ready just-” He whimpers, pushing back on the fingers as Liam drags them out, making sure Zayn will feel it. He grabs the condom next to Zayn, ripping the package before putting it on him, groaning softly as he finally gets some friction on his dick. He lines himself up, before pushing into Zayn slowly, stopping a couple times before bottoming out to make sure Zayn’s comfortable.

 

“Zayn…” He moans as he bottoms out, lips brushing against Zayn’s messily.

 

“Fuck, Li, move.” He growls out almost, wrapping his arms around Liam’s neck tightly.

 

They kisses messily as Liam thrusts into him slowly, their kisses more pants into each others mouths more than anything. Liam slips a hand in between their bodies, grabbing Zayn’s dick and jerking him off in time with his thrusts and soon enough, Zayn’s shooting his load in between them, coating both of their bodies as his hole clenches around Liam.

 

Liam groans, his steady pace faltering as he thrusts a few more times into Zayn before collapsing on him, breathing heavily. Liam pulls out a couple moments afterwards, both of them wincing at the sudden discomfort. Liam rolls off of his body and unties the condom, throwing it out in the garbage before collapsing as Zayn gets out of the bed.

 

“What’re you doing?” He calls out sleepily, words slurring together.

 

“Just getting a towel to clean us off.” Zayn yawns as he comes back into the room with a wash cloth in his hand. He gently cleans off Liam before tossing the cloth aside and climbing into bed next to him. He throws his arm over Liam’s waist as he cuddles in close, head resting on his shoulder.

 

Liam’s almost asleep when he hears Zayn talk. “You still awake?” He whispers softly. Liam just makes a humming noise, tightening his grip on Zayn momentarily. “I think I love you.” He whispers in a even quieter voice. “I know we’re still young and stuff and we’ve still got uni but I love you.” He says. “I love you when you’re sad, even if I’d much rather see you happy, and I’ll love every little flaw you have because that’s what makes you Liam. My lovely Leeyum.” He whispers.

 

“I love you too Zayn.” Liam whispers back, kissing the top of your head. “I love you so much and I couldn’t be more grateful that you love me back.”

 

Zayn hums happily, snuggling in closer to his lover and the two boys fall asleep, hearts not synced but intertwining with each other, the same way the Zayn and Liam do.

 

________________________________________________

 

_Oh, I will carry you over fire and water for your love_

_And I will hold you closer_

_Hope your heart is strong enough_

_When the night is coming down_

_We will find a way through the dark_

**Author's Note:**

> There's self harm in this (basically liam scratches at his wrists until the skin breaks) and there's a panic attack. I went into slight detail about it but I was going off of personal experience for that and all of my panic attacks are kinda fuzzy so I hope I got everything right. Please be gentle with my story, this one's definitely my baby and I put a lot of my own personal experiences into this so gentle please with her. 
> 
> find me on tumblr at [squishyliampayne](http://squishyliampayne.tumblr.com/)


End file.
